Wrexham United, Beverly Goldberg & understanding our minds
Hello my lovely VIP
How are you? Holy smoke. Have you got your tights/winter coat/woolly scarf on? Are we really certain it’s June? We’ve been battling not to put the heating on this week. And who’s ready for the weeks of shouting, cheering, ups and downs of the emotional rollercoaster? No, I’m not talking about the end year school schedule (seriously, who keeps adding all the dates?) It’s Euros time and while we’re a football/non-football household, Cookie’s already claimed her place.
But whatever side of sport you’re on - I cannot recommend this week’s Next Chapter conversation enough…
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S12 Ep 5: From young people to Wrexham United - Sports Psychologist: Sam Katodia
Sam has always loved both sport and psychology. It’s his passion to bring the best out of everyone he works with – and where better to test psychology, he says, than in sport? Because if it fails - well, the results are clear.
Since he made a phone call to Colchester United after leaving university – he’s worked with all different footballers over the years, he even wrote a book and Cristiano Ronaldo wrote the foreword… (I know!)
Today he works with the first team at Wrexham United – yes, that one – the club owned by Hollywood superstars Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney and also the subject of the Disney+ documentary, Welcome to Wrexham.
But Sam has also created the programmes for our charitable partner, the boxing charity, Empire Fighting Chance. He works with young people who are struggling and is helping to transform so many lives.
He says he uses exactly the same methods with a young person in trouble at school as a first team footballer at Wrexham. But Sam’s method is different to what I’ve ever come across (and I’ve been researching mental health for years). We discussed so much in this conversation including…
The best way, he believes, we can encourage our children
How, when it comes to our own mental health, he believes we’re getting it wrong.
The real reason we’re struggling to move forward with our Next Chapters
What it’s really like to have a Hollywood superstar as your boss.
I know I’m biased, but I found this conversation fascinating and I cannot recommend it enough for you, your family or for anyone around you. Sam’s is a different approach. It’s brought great results to world-famous football teams, it’s changed lives at Empire and now I’m really hoping it will help you too.
And speaking of a new approach…
I have a new woman in my life. Her name is Beverly Goldberg.
She’s the star character of Channel 4’s sitcom, The Goldbergs and when I say star, I mean superstar/heroine/inspiration.
She is unashamedly a ‘smother mother.’
She has three children whom she drives crazy with her love notes, continuous visits to their school Head and love of big hair (with a matching jumpsuit). Beverly doesn’t care.
As someone who has never worked out how to be a ‘cool mum,’ I watch in awe. I don’t feel I’ve ever got it right when it comes to ‘coolness’. Beverly however, has. She’s beyond cool, she’s awesome.
She’s married to Murray, who’s equally at home with himself. He takes his trousers off when he arrives home and sits in his favourite chair. He calls his children ‘morons’ but loves them with all his heart, and Beverly is his world. Beverly is Beverly, Murray is Murray and they’re happy with that.
At the end of each episode, there’s always one of those emotional recaps - if you’ve watched Modern Family, you’ll know. They make a little sense of life and supply a helping of much-needed warmth, a bit like a hot chocolate on a cold winter’s night.
The other day, they explained something which has made me think. Beverley and Murray get along because they accept each other just as they are.
So, the question I’ve been asking is - if differences work so well together, why do we work so hard to make everyone the same?
I watch (and take part) as we apologise for our differences, with a deep-down clinging to trying to be the same.
We see our friends going out – and we feel guilty for wanting to stay in.
A friend goes vegan - and we feel even more guilty as we nibble on our cheese.
Another gets a brilliant new job – and we congratulate them but then come up with a whole list of reasons why we can’t do the same.
And don’t get me started on parenthood. With 3 million (at least) different pieces advice on how to parent, I’ve never come across a mum or dad who has never faltered when another takes a different path.
We question, we worry, we (says in a whisper) judge… How can they do that? They’re too pushy/not pushy/what are they thinking?
But the truth is, we’re personalising everything because we’re the ones secretly questioning - have we got it right?
My husband and I are chalk and cheese.
He loves real-ale pubs. I love a snazzy bar with high-stools
I love white walls - he doesn’t really care.
He loves a good burger and chips in said real-ale pub.I like a restaurant with a white table cloth (and ideally white walls too.)
But over the years I’ve come to love a real-ale pub and he appreciates the calming effect of a white wall. When it comes to our values, we’re on the same page, so what does it matter if we’re not the same?
The message behind The Goldbergs is however annoying, embarrassing, irritating their mother may be, the children have a growing appreciation of her unwavering capacity to love. By giving herself the freedom to be completely herself, she gives everyone around her the freedom to be themselves too.
So, as we prepare for our boys to both be in the Big Life Lesson of secondary school - I’ve decided I’m going to stop even trying to play it cool. I will blow kisses, sing songs and write those love notes (sorry boys). I might not do the big hair, or the jumpsuits (maybe the jumpsuits) and I’ll doubt my husband will ever leave his trousers at the door (we hope not)… But I’ve learned from Beverly, by giving ourselves the freedom to be us, we’re clearing the way for them to discover them.
And finally…
Next Chapter Wisdom of the Week 1
You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the end
C.S. Lewis
Next Chapter Wisdom of the Week 2
May impatience never lead you to settle for breadcrumbs before your full feast arrives.
Dr Thema
So my lovely VIP, whether you’re wrapped up warm, watching the Euros or blowing kisses and singing songs, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Thank you for giving me the freedom to be me here and whether you love jumpsuits, real-ale or great big hair, thank you for just being you.
See you next week
E & C
xxx
P.S Learning how to be ourselves is a big theme in my book The Juggle which you can find here
“Loved this! The way Dan and Molly started out as loves you dream and then marriage and children happened and the love faded. This is so relatable.” Amazon review
Or, if you fancy a little road test with a free sample you can click here
P.P.S Thank you so much for our charity partners Empire Fighting Chance. They are doing all they can to keep our streets safe for our young people and we’re so proud they’re supporting our Next Chapter living.